Framing the Discussion on Same-Sex Marriage
On
July 31, 2004 Ellen Severance Crozier became Ellen Crozier Kiehn. It was one of
the best days of my life. Marriage is one of the most precious gifts that God
has given our world. I am grateful for marriage. And if marriage is such a
beautiful and precious gift, should it not be opened to all? What right does
any man have to restrict marriage? Or to say that people do not have the right
to be married?
We
have to first define what marriage is and who the arbiter of marriage is before
we can answer these questions. As a culture, we are often are driven more by
emotion than we are by truth. We should be driven by emotion, but only in
accordance with truth. American Theologian Jonathan Edwards, a key figure in the
First Great Awakening, said, "I should think myself in the way of my duty
to raise the affections of my hearers as high as possibly I can, provided that
they are affected with nothing but truth, and with affections that are not
disagreeable to the nature of what they are affected with."[1]
God is not against emotions. He made us emotional beings, but He wants our
emotions to be governed by the truth.
There is no
greater institution that causes more of an emotional reaction than marriage.
There is extreme jubilation and delight that accompanies a happy marriage and
extreme pain and sadness that comes when a marriage ends. I know marriage is an
emotional issue, and I, like Edwards, desire to raise your affections as high
as possibly, yet to govern those affections by the truth revealed in God’s
Word. So before we can ask questions about the possibility of same-sex
marriage, we have to first define what marriage is as revealed in the Bible.
God Defines
Marriage in Creation
It
has been said by proponents of same-sex marriage that Jesus never prohibited
same-sex marriage. Although it may be true that Jesus never explicitly
condemned same-sex marriage, he did define marriage, and his definition of
marriage would exclude same-sex unions. Jesus was approached by a group
Pharisees to test him by asking a question about divorce. “And Pharisees came up to him and tested him
by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?’ According to
Jewish records, there were certain Pharisees who believed it was permissible to
divorce or send away one’s wife for just about anything even for something as
small as burning his bread. Jesus
answered:
Have you not read
that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and
said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to
his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but
one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
(Matthew 19:4-6)
Jesus grounds his argument in the
first two chapters of the Bible.
The
Pharisees would have been familiar with the Law so Jesus is giving them a
little bit of a jab when he asks, “Have you not read?” They had probably read
Genesis 1-2 thousands of time, but did not understand all its implications. I
believe the same could be said for scholars today. Many have read Genesis 1-2,
but do not understand all its implications for marriage. Jesus believes in the
sexual complementarity or the male/femaleness of marriage. Jesus quotes two
passages from Genesis: 1:27 and 2:24. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in
his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created
them.” The second chapter expands on how this male and female creation
occurred. Genesis 2:18-25,
Then the LORD God
said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper
fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the
field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he
would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was
its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens
and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit
for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he
slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that
the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the
man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my
flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore
a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they
shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not
ashamed. (Genesis 2:18-25)
Adam did not have a helper fit for
him so God made someone who was similar and yet different. Eve’s sameness and
differentness are the reason it was possible for Adam and Eve to become one
flesh.
Jesus quotes this
passage in defining marriage as a man and his wife becoming a one flesh union.
Then Jesus adds in Matthew 19:6, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What
therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Jesus connects the
permanency of marriage together with the gender complementarity of a marital
couple. Therefore, by definition, marriage can only be entered into by a man
and a woman in a committed life-long union. Jesus prohibits same-sex marriage
by defining marriage between a man and a woman. Same-sex couples by definition
cannot be married.
Our society is
attempting to redefine marriage. The motivation may be compassion, but it also
changes the very definition of an institution that has been defined in one way
since the creation of the world. Sixth Circuit Court Judge Jeffrey S. Sutton
was on a 3 person panel that voted in favor of defining marriage between a man
and a woman 2-1. In the court’s decision, he wrote,
For better, for
worse, or for more of the same, marriage has long been a social institution defined
by relationships between men and women. So long defined, the tradition is
measured in millennia, not centuries or decades. So widely shared, the
tradition until recently had been adopted by all governments and major
religions of the world. A dose of humility makes us hesitant to condemn as
unconstitutionally irrational a view of marriage shared not long ago by every
society in the world, shared by most, if not all, of our ancestors, and shared
still today by a significant number of the States.[2]
Our culture is rapidly moving
towards a redefinition of marriage, but we must at least pause with humility to
ask if that is right. The traditional view of marriage between a man and a
woman has been adopted by all governments and all major religions of the world
until the last several decades. It takes an incredible amount of hubris and
arrogance to redefine the institution of marriage.
God Displays Marriage as a Reflection
There
are some who say, “What is the big deal if we redefine marriage? Why can’t Christians
just agree to disagree and hold on to the traditional view of marriage in our
own private communities?” The reason we cannot ignore the push for same-sex
marriage in the public square is because marriage was created by God for a
purpose. One purpose is to be a reflection of His Gospel. If we redefine
marriage, we are trying to thwart God’s design in marriage as a means of
sharing the gospel. Ephesians 5:25-33,
Husbands, love
your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he
might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or
wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the
same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his
body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his
wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am
saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you
love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
(Ephesians 5:25-33)
Marriage is picture of the gospel.
The love a husband expresses towards his wife is a picture of the love that
Christ has for his church, and the love a wife shows towards her husband is a
picture of the love the church has for Christ.
A healthy marriage is a beautiful display of the gospel. If we forfeit God’s design for marriage, we
are diminishing the picture of the gospel.
God Designed
Marriage as a Foundation
A society is only
as strong as the families of that society. If the family breaks down, the
society will also break down. One of the reasons same-sex has gained so much
acceptance is the erosion of marriage over the last 50 years. Ryan Anderson of
the Heritage Foundation writes,
America has
experienced a slow erosion of marriage over the past 50 years that is now
culminating in the view that marriage must be redefined to include same-sex
relationships. Americans with same-sex attractions aren’t to blame for this,
but redefining marriage will only further weaken our marriage culture.
In the 1960s,
heterosexuals, acting on the destructive liberal ideology of the “Me
Generation,” increasingly began to debase human sexuality and the marital
relationship. As a result of the sexual revolution and the introduction of
no-fault divorce laws, marriage became an institution more about the desires of
adults than the needs of children—an institution that need not even aspire to
permanency. In the eyes of marriage revisionists, marriage was about adult
emotional union and sex became more casual—something conquerable, rather than
embraced for what it could beget: children.
Laws and cultural
practices shape belief; belief shapes behavior. So it is little surprise that
when the law redefined marriage through no-fault divorce that Americans changed
their behaviors, with divorce rates rising from single digits to nearly 50
percent. This culture focused on adult romance—that a marriage should last only
so long as the love does—is what today’s Millennials have inherited. Same-sex marriage is, in a certain
sense, a logical progression in the erosion of the meaning of marriage. The
question facing Americans now is whether we will further abandon the norms of
marriage—monogamy, sexual exclusivity and permanency—and promote the collapse
of the institution by fundamentally redefining it.[3]
Marriage norms are shifting and
society is suffering.
Christians
should continue to strive to create laws and structures that uphold the
biblical definition of marriage. One of our highest callings is to love our
neighbor as ourselves (Matt. 22:39). Let me apply that general principle in two
specific ways in regards to how we publicly address same-sex marriage. First,
one way we love our neighbors is by working towards advocating God’s way. Psalm
33,
The LORD brings
the counsel of the nations to nothing; he frustrates the plans of the peoples.
The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the plans of his heart to all
generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people whom he
has chosen as his heritage! The LORD looks down from heaven; he sees all the
children of man; from where he sits enthroned he looks out on all the
inhabitants of the earth, he who fashions the hearts of them all and observes
all their deeds. The king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not
delivered by his great strength. The war horse is a false hope for salvation,
and by its great might it cannot rescue. Behold, the eye of the LORD is on
those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love, that he may
deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in famine. (Psalm 33:10-19)
A nation will experience more
prosperity and peace when it follows God’s law. I am not advocating we push for
a theocracy, but for laws that are consistent with God’s nature. In the end,
this will make our lives better as a society. If the all-wise, all-good, God
has given marriage as the foundation of society, then systems and structures
that support a biblical definition of marriage are good for society.
Secondly,
we love our neighbors in how we advocate for this position. The reputation of
Christians in the gay community is hateful and mean-spirited. Harmful language
and aggressive tones are not helpful and do not honor God. We speak gospel
truth in a gospel manner; full of grace and tenderness. God cares about what we
say, but he also cares how we say it. If we do not speak with grace, we will
never win a voice among the gay community. And if you do not care about the gay
community, I question whether or not you truly know Jesus. Jesus came to seek
and to save the lost, full of grace AND truth.
Beloved, we should advocate for godly laws in a manner that is worthy of
the gospel of Christ.
God Delights
in Marriage Sacrifice
One
of the most damaging underlying ideologies of same-sex marriage is the
importance of sexual fulfilment. Our culture has raised sexual fulfilment to be
its highest aim, but our highest aim should be glory of God. There are people
who will have to sacrifice their desire for marriage for the cause of Jesus
Christ. Singleness is a blessing in the Scripture. The most fulfilled and
complete human being in the history of the world was a single man. Jesus never
married. Paul said it was good to remain single as he was. When we raise
romantic, sexual fulfillment above God, we diminish the beauty and glory of
God. God delights in those who for the sake of the gospel lay down their
desires. Some say it is unfair, but God simply says, “Follow me.”
There
are Christian brothers and sisters who struggle with same-sex attraction. Jesus
is asking them to lay down their desires for the cause of Christ. Will it be
hard? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely yes!! There is a cost to following to
Jesus. Jesus wants us to forsake all
others and follow him. He calls us to pick up our cross daily and to follow
him. He bids us come and die. Mark 10:28, Peter said to Jesus, “See, we have
left everything and followed you.” We do not know the tone in which Peter said
this. It could have been a prideful tone boasting in how much they gave up or
in an exasperated, “what else do you want from me?” tone. Regardless Jesus responded to Peter’s
statement with tremendous compassion and hope. Jesus said:
Truly, I say to
you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or
father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not
receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and
mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come
eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” (Mark
10:29-31)
Sacrificing for the gospel is
always worth it. Do you believe that? Do you believe that when God calls people
to lay down their lives (including the right to marry) for the gospel that they
will be rewarded?
It
has been said of Christians that we do not understand the challenges facing
those struggling with same-sex attraction. Our ideas are built are theories
rather than experience. Let me close with some insights from Rosaria
Butterfield, who understands personally what God is calling the gay community
to lay down. Rosaria was a liberal, lesbian feminist English professor at
Syracuse University. She started doing a project aimed at the Religious Right
when she met a pastor who shattered all her preconceived notions about
Christianity and started to slowly believe the gospel. Butterfield shares her
conversion in The Secret Thoughts of an
Unlikely Convert:
I learned that the
Lord wants all our loyalties under submission to him. He wants us to identify
ourselves by name, in his name for us. In my case, my feelings of lesbianism
were familiar, comfortable, and recognizable, and I was reluctant to give them
up. I clung to Matthew 16:24 (Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would
come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.),
remembering that every believer had to at some point in life take the step that
I was taking: giving up the right to myself, taking up his Cross, and following
Jesus. The Lord made it clear to me that I had to make some serious changes…I learned that we must obey in faith before
we feel better or different. At this time, though, obeying in faith, to
me, felt like throwing myself off a cliff.[4]
God asks us to give up our lives. He promises it will be worth, but he
does not promise it will be easy.
Even in the Mark
passages above, Jesus says, you will receive hundredfold with persecutions. Listen to how Rosaria described her
conversion,
Although grateful, I did not perceive
conversion to be “a blessing.” It was a train wreck…When I became a Christian,
I had to change everything—my life, my friends, my writing, my teaching, my
advising, my clothes, my speech, my thoughts. I was tenured to a field that I
could no longer work in. I was the faculty advisor to all of the gay and
lesbian and feminist groups on campus…I was flooded with doubt about my new
life in Christ. Was I willing to suffer like Christ? Was I willing to be
considered stupid by those who didn’t know Jesus? The world’s eyes register
what a life in Christ takes away, but how do I communicate all that it gives?
Do I really believe, in Charles Bridges’ words, “The very chains of Christ are
glorious” (p. 33)?1 Peter, after being beaten for preaching the gospel,
rejoiced that he was “counted worthy to suffer shame for [Christ’s] name” (Acts
5:41). I pondered this. To the world, this is masochism. To the Christian, this
is freedom. Did I really believe this? Do I really believe this today? I
wondered: If my life was the only evidence that Christ was alive, would anyone
be convinced?
Conversion wrecked Rosaria life.
She had to sacrifice it all, but it was worth it. And the Lord delighted in her
sacrifice.
Let
me close by saying this: Rosaria, a full blown liberal lesbian said this of her
church family,
I’m
grateful that when I heard the Lord’s call on my life, and I wanted to hedge my
bets, keep my girlfriend and add a little God to my life, I had a pastor and
friends in the Lord who asked nothing less of me than that I die to
myself.
God bids the gay man and woman to
come and die as God bids the straight man and woman to come and die. The call
of the gospel is a call to lay down one’s life.
We hurt our
Christian brother and sister who struggle with same-sex attraction by not
calling them to sacrifice. God is not withholding something good from them in
the gospel, but rather He is offering them something better, Himself. Jesus
Christ asks his followers to only follow his example: to lay down their lives. He
promises he will reward you when you lay down your life for his name’s sake.
Will you trust him?
[1]
Jonathan Edwards, Some Thoughts Concerning the Revival, in The Works
of Jonathan Edwards, vol. 4, ed. C. Goen (New Haven, Conn.: Yale
University Press, 1972), 387.
[4]
Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert. Rosaria Butterfield.
image credit (http://www.truthdispatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/I-DO-Marriage-Series.jpg)
image credit (https://www.sgo.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/foundation-for-gynecologic-oncology.jpg)